‘Robin Hood’ (2018)

Have you ever watched a movie and found yourself thinking, ‘what the hell was that about?’ as the end credits rolled. Have you found yourself playing games on your phone while the big set piece is happening on the screen in front of you? If you answered ‘yes’ to both questions, then I’d bet money that you’ve sat through ‘Robin Hood’ as well…

The thing is, as much as I want to slate it, I can’t slate it too hard as it actually did the job that I needed it to… Work has been a source of some major stress this week and I thought I’d watch something (last night) that made no demands of me whatsoever, something shiny enough to keep me watching but… yeah, not demanding at all. I’d seen the trailer for ‘Robin Hood’ and I like a bit of ‘arrow slinging’ action so the movie pretty much chose itself as something that would keep me amused but wouldn’t tax me too much.

And ‘Robin Hood’ did this, it really did. I just really wish that it hadn’t done it quite so well…

Robin of Loxley (Taron Egerton), a war-hardened Crusader, and his Moorish commander (Jamie Foxx) mount an audacious revolt against the corrupt English crown in a thrilling action-adventure packed with gritty battlefield exploits, mind-blowing fight choreography, and a timeless romance.

Doesn’t it worry you that a timeless tale, hundreds of years old is reduced to a blurb that’s not even two lines long? Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know about what you are about to watch? Doesn’t that worry you a little bit? It should do as the directors have squeezed so much out of the story that this is what they are left with and that is nowhere near enough to carry a film for nearly two hours, especially when the film does next to nothing with the Robin and Marian romance. It’s a ‘mission of revenge’ that would have felt a lot punchier if half an hour had been taken out. I mean, there would still have been next to no story but at least I wouldn’t have had to watch it for so long.

Until I watched ‘Robin Hood’, I don’t think I’d ever seen a film where a bunch of set pieces were cobbled together with little or no thought for how it might work, just that it would look really cool (actually, the first Michael Bay ‘Transformers’ movie but that actually had more of a plot than this…) Talking of which, it does look cool but there’s no feeling behind any of it, just a bunch of stuff that has to happen so the viewer can get to the next bunch of stuff that needs to happen. Funnily enough, I thought Taron Egerton and Jamie Foxx did well to keep it all together in the way they did. It just felt like they deserved a lot more.

Having said that all that though, ‘Robin Hood’ did do its job in terms of a bit of mindless action that took my mind off things. It probably wasn’t the film’s intention, however, to have me thinking, ‘what the hell…?’ instead. ‘Robin Hood’ looks good but feels very hollow. I would say at least it’s not ‘King Arthur: Legend of the Sword’ but that’s no excuse really… Only watch it if it’s raining outside and you have absolutely nothing else to do instead; even then, you’ll feel like you wasted your time.