'Jurassic Piranha' (2016)



Or 'Piranha Sharks' depending on, I don't know... where you watch it? You won't want to watch it more than once so just be aware that this film is doing its thing under an alias... It's been a tough couple of days, what with one thing and another, so last night was all about choosing the most brainless thing I could possibly find and just letting my brain unwind a bit. Now, as someone who has seen 'Hard Rock Zombies' more than once, it's surprisingly difficult to find something truly awful to watch. As someone who has seen 'Jurassic Piranha' though, I knew it would be just what I was after. And it was, it was awful but when that's what you're after, can you really complain?

Great white sharks bio-engineered to be the size of piranhas with the purpose of living in rich people's exotic aquariums terrorize New York City when they get into the water supply and do what great white sharks do best.

Now I'm a fan of a concise blurb as much as the next person but sometimes you look at a concise blurb and you know that its brevity is a result of someone, somewhere, putting a lot more effort into the concept and title. After all, if you have a cool concept then you don't need to worry about the story as much, right? Of course that's wrong and what that leaves you with here is a film that doesn't do a lot else than just say, 'look at the tiny piranha sharks, aren't they cool?' And they are, of course they are. What's not to like about tiny sharks eating their way through Manhattan? It's fun and the lack of any real story, along with the wooden cast and very cheap looking special effects, make it just the kind of film that's so awful that you can't help but enjoy it. The lack of any real story, wooden cast and very cheap looking special effects give it a really hollow feel though and that's a shame because you can tell it wants to be a lot more.

Call it 'Jurassic Piranha' or call it 'Piranha Sharks' (and I've seen 'both of them' now), it was a fun way to kill an hour and a bit (and my brain was grateful for the chance it had to just switch off) but it's not much more than that. This would be where I round things off by saying I'll never watch it again but I also know that the next time I want the movie equivalent of a McDonalds cheeseburger, I'd watch it again. I just can't help myself :o)


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